Invisible illness in the outdoors

Gail Muller is an accomplished long distance hiker and outdoor educator whose life with chronic pain challenges the narrative that the outdoors is only for the typically ‘healthy’. Now, she’s setting out on a smaller hike with a big mission; to tackle underrepresentation of invisible illness in the outdoors.

Kris and Gail hiking Glen Coe, one of the final stretches of the route

Look at the media surrounding outdoor spaces and you’ll likely see images of strong and youthful characters, bravely forging on along untrodden paths. There’s a fallacy about adventures that they exist somewhere over there, in a remote corner of the world populated by people much braver than everyone else who’s fitness and conviction take them to places others simply couldn’t reach. You simply don’t see a lot of people going on adventures of a less grandiose nature and using the outdoors as a space to recover, work through their feelings and build up their strength. The outdoors can often feel like a destination you earn the right to be in and less like the non-judgemental space it should be. And yet, if lockdown has taught us anything it’s the healing and respite that time outdoors brings us that we have most dearly missed over the last two years.

This makes Gail Muller exciting. Not that she is defined by her condition – her social media is also a teeming hub of countryside information and practical tips for aspiring adventurers. But by not being afraid to be vocal about the things she struggles with and showcase her vulnerability she’s opening a space that the picture perfect lives and daring exploits of ‘adventurers’ have previously left closed.

Gail helping Kris up a steep climb overlooking Loch Lomond

Throughout her childhood, Gail was always outside. From gig rowing to walking sections of the Southwest Coast Path near her Cornish home, she was out in the elements every second she could be, making the twinge in her back and creeping loss of movement as symptoms of her chronic pain steadily grew throughout her twenties all the more devastating. Gail describes chronic pain as a slow realisation that you’ve got something wrong that isn’t going to get any better. Nothing you do can achieve a resolution of your pain, and so she found a way to accept it as a companion, working with her pain, rather than fighting it, in order to thrive.

Following this radical change in perspective, Gail has completed the 630 mile SWCP, the 2200 mile Appalachian trail South Bound (a trail so gruelling that more people have summitted Everest than reached its end) and has plans to hike the Tour de Mont Blanc this year. Back in 2021 however, she set out a bit closer to home, completing the West Highland Way with Kris Hallenga, friend and founder of breast cancer awareness charity CoppaFeel! Whilst the hike might seem a touch shorter at just 96 miles, it was Kris’ first ever long distance hike and carried with it some pretty lofty ambitions.

Kris and Gail triumphant, shortly before attempting the treacherous Devil’s Staircase

Like Gail, Kris found out in her 20s that she had a problem that wasn’t going away. For Gail it was chronic pain, for Kris it was stage 4 cancer. At the time, Kris had no idea that cancer could be found in people so young. She hadn’t heard it talked about or learnt about it in school and as a result wasn’t checking for early symptoms. Hearing that you’ve got cancer is one of those things that no one ever expects to happen to them, and Kris was no different. Looking back on it now the standout thing for Kris is a feeling of frustration, that this had happened to her and that whilst it maybe couldn’t have been avoided, the impact could have been lessened if caught early.

It was channelling that frustration which drove Kris to set up her charity, CoppaFeel! over the next year and today the charity achieves an incredible impact every year, empowering and educating thousands across the UK. Yet, its only in recent years that Kris has come to realise that she perhaps didn’t give herself the space and time to confront her trauma, something which a self-propelled journey through the outdoors offers the space to do.

Kris Hallenga at the top of Glencoe Mountain

There was a lot wrapped up in those 96 miles. Most immediately, it was two great friends going for a long walk together. As Kris’ debut multi-day adventure, it was her first taste of the thrill of thru-hiking and a chance to taste the sense of freedom and fill her lungs with the fresh air we’ve all been missing whilst barricaded in doors on and off over the last 2 years. It was also a chance to work through the feelings, emotions, thoughts and sensations we push down in our daily lives. The outdoors gives us the space and time we need to rediscover what you’re capable of and find our limits, pushing past them or learning to accept them and love ourselves for how far we’ve come.  

The way was long and tough, and there’s no getting around the fact that tears were shed (nor should be we hiding that sometimes life is hard) At times putting one foot in front of the other seemed like an insurmountable challenge, however, for every valley, there will be a peak and after 96 miles of packet food, tears of joy and of frustration, breath-taking vistas and  swarms of midges, these two inspiring women found themselves triumphant in Fort William.

Simply by being who they are and choosing to speak out about their experiences rather than hide behind the façade of normality so often found covering invisible illnesses, both Kris and Gail are sending a message that adventures are for all and that everyone, regardless of any adversity or illness is just as valid in the outdoors as anyone else.

images shot on expedition with Berghaus.